The secret diary of Fernando Torres

Dear diary

I am still struggling to adjust. I keep telling myself that the move was the right thing but doubts creep in.

I don’t feel one of the boys here. At Liverpool I’d go into training, see Dirk’s face, and immediately feel better about myself. I miss this.

Today at training I made another faux pas. We were getting changed and JT dropped his armband, I picked it up and handed it back to him. Everyone went quiet. I had to go and stand on the naughty step for 10 minutes. Nnobody is allowed to touch his armband unless he hands it to them. I don’t even know why he needed to wear it, we were only going swimming.

That’s the second time I’ve been on the naughty step this week. We were playing five-a-side and Frank took a shot, it hit me then two defenders, crashed against the post and went in off the goalkeeper's back. I queried why Frank was celebrating so much as it was clearly an own goal. I had to stand on the step for 20 minutes that time.

After swimming JT tried to make small talk to build bridges. He asked me how my new house is and I told him it was great, but the drive was very narrow and I struggled to get my Range Rover through. He said he knew what I meant as it took him ages too. I don’t understand as I haven’t invited him around yet, perhaps it’s some Cockney nonsense. I nodded.

We then all had something to eat. I finished first and went to leave the table, everyone looked astonished. I was told I had to ask first, so I asked. JT, Frank, Didier and Ashley then had a five-minute debate about it and gave me permission.

The tactics talk for the Manchester United game was interesting. All about pressing and watching their key players, which areas to exploit, who is getting picked and how we’ll be set up. Mr Abramovich is a very accomplished speaker.

Ashley brought a gun in last week, this big rifle thing. I was bemused as to why but JT explained to me it was part of his new training ground tours. Apparently the ‘punters’ had been concerned they weren’t getting value for their ten grand a go and so Ashley and JT are setting up a clay pigeon range so the corporates can do some team building after he’s showed them around the facilities. He told me it’s all part of being a captain and then touched his armband and growled.

It’s certainly very different here.

Fernando

*Entry ini di-copy paste sebijik dari sini. Terima kasih kepada Annie Eaves kerana memberi something yang sangat hilarious ini. Kahkahkah

Ceritanya Di Brazil Sana

Seperti yang kita tahu, in term of football, Brazil melahirkan ramai penghibur, entertainer. Ronaldinho, Robinho, Ho Ho segala macam. And it's not all. Selain footballer, Brazil juga melahirkan penghibur, in term of, medic man! Yes, you heard me. Jurumedik juga memberi hiburan di atas padang. Tak percaya? Mari kita lihat.

Ha, tengok. Tu dia ha. Lipat sana sini, sambil buat muka garang dan serius. Sangat cool! Gahaha

When People Are Desperate, They Tend To Do Anything.

And by anything, I mean ANYTHING.

For example, in a football game, to get a free-kick, one might hit himself with opponent's hand. Weird? Wait a minute. This is not an example. In fact, there is a video about it. Kahkahkah. Sangat LOL.

Watch.




Stupid, or smart?

Well, this one is definitely a smart one.



Got any idea what it is? It is a plan of a house. At the left side, you stair up the the higher floor, well, using a stair. And to go down? Just slide it down. Cool. Here is the link for more explanation.

FC St Pauli The Punk Club

Ya, FC St Pauli dikenali sebagai sebuah kelab yang punk. Punk memang punk!

Untuk perlawanan menentang Hannover 96, disebabkan ketiadaan defender yang fit, manager St Pauli yang punk telah memanggil seorang press officer kelab untuk ke training dalam masa sejam. Dan akan bersama skuad untuk menentang Hannover 96 nanti! Pergh, punk tak punk?

Lagi maklumat lanjut di sini.

Fun Fun Video For This Week

Kahkahkah. Extremely hillarious.

A spanish, talking to his mates, the Argentine and the Dutch.

Parties involved : Valdes, Mascherano, Affelay, Iniesta, Pique. Di bawah ada disediakan subtitle.

Valdes: When you are close to me, you you, you pass the ball to me
Valdes to Mascherano: Tell him to pass me the ball when he's close to me and not to mess up...you know where I am.
Mascherano: When you get the ball from them and get close to the area you pass the ball to him.
Valdes to Iniesta: Man, I have an English that really scares me. I don't know, since I'm eating in McDonald's, I'm learning to speak English very well.
Pique: Valdes, Valdes, Shakira has a sister that wants to meet you.

And then, The Special One. A true leader, a trophy winner, the 9-years-no-lose-at-home man. And now, the children entertainer. Introducing, Mourinho!

Super Mario

Sekarang sedang berlangsung perlawanan di antara Manchester Siti menentang Notts County.

Saya dengan ini ingin mempersembahkan Siti Siti Manchester pada malam ini.

Pertama, Siti Balotelli! (Tepuk tepuk)




Diikuti dengan Siti kedua, Siti Richards! (Tepuk lagi)



Jangan lupa untuk menonton bual bicara Siti di Astro. Semoga Siti Nurhaliza membayar saya untuk promosi ini.

Manchester United vs New York Stinson

Overall, aku salute 110% kepada Crawley Town kerana tidak takut untuk bermain bolasepak di Old Trafford. Kalau Man City, dah sah sah park a bus in front of goal. In fact, aku rasa Man United is the second best dalam game tadi. Kalau Crawley's players improve finishing touch 10% more, then I'm sure diorang boleh ayam Man United 3-1 tadi. End.

Next, mari kita beralih kepada tajuk di atas.

Goalkeeper Man United baru, Anders Lindegaard. Dari Aasalund ke ape tah nama team dia sebelum ni. Performance so far, belum ada bola berbahaya sampai kepadanya. Jadi setakat ni, rate masih ok.


Lindegaard di McLaren's bar semalam. Kahkahkah.

Fun Fact About Wembley, And SPURS!

In 1961, it was the FA Cup.

In 1971, it was the League Cup.

Another League Cup again in 1981,

And 91', saw another FA Cup triumph.

In 2001, well, Wembley was out of service then.

What about 2011?

Yes, Tottenham Hotspur won every 10 year since 1961 at Wembley, and since this year's Champions League final will be at Wembley, then...

Presenting To You...

The new line-up for Man City! Yes, you can get Torres, Ribery, Rooney, bla bla bla, Messi, and even Where's Whally!




Untuk pautan lanjut, sila ke Daily Mirror di sini. Ada disertakan sekali Who's Who. Kahkahkah.

Barcelona, Barcelona, Barcelona.

First half.

Tap, tap, tap, try. Tap, tap, tap, shoot. Tap, tap, tap, sampai 100 200 kali, budak budak Arsenal masih tak dapat sentuh bola. Overall, untuk first half, aku rasa Wilshere saja pemain Arsenal yang nampak sinaran matamu bak kejora nya. Lain? Perrgh, hampeh. Barcelona seperti biasa meletakkan typical performance. Bola atas tanah je. Kadang kala je terbang. Main passing passing atas tanah memang basic, main mudah, dan cantik.

"With this kind of performance, Wilshere can easily establish himself into Barcelona's first team. Fabregas who?" kata Gory kepada Andy Gray.

Second half.

Akibat keangkuhan Guardiola yang terlalu yakin menang, dengan mengeluarkan Villa untuk digantikan dengan Seydou Keita, menyebabkan dewa dewa Barcelona menjadi marah. Lalu mereka menghukum Barcelona dengan men-spoilkan gerak geri Barca. Hah, amik kau semua benda tak menjadi. But still, kredit kepada Wenger. Super-subs. One goal, and one assist from them. Still, the young Jack Wilshere menjadi tarikan pada aku. Relax je umur 19 challenge Xavi Iniesta Messi. Aku nak challenge dalam PES pun berdebar debar berpeluh. Fuh!

Meanwhile, Liverpool are doing quite well in Europe this season. Oh, no. The OTHER Europe. The lower one. Yes, that's right. Kahkahkah. Sorry budak budak Liverpool. At least, there's still a silver lining for you. Raheem Sterling is touted to make his debut. Well, quite a talent in this kid. Search on Youtube for his 5-goals thriller baru baru ini. Tapi kasi asah biar betul. Jangan jadi macam David Ngok tu.

Fastest Red Card Ever?

10 seconds!

Seriously, I didn't blame the goalkeeper because it was his defender's fault!

Still, he created a history of his own, macam dia cakap dalam BBC Radio interview.

Jom kita layan! Zass!

Tapi still, according to FIFA, the fastest one ever recorded is 3 seconds. Unfortunately, aku tak jumpa videonya. But still, 10 seconds is pretty fast man.

Now, This Is An Art

Below this is a Chinese man devoted himself to an art and mother nature. Ya, mother nature, bukan motherfucker. Kahkahkah.

But seriously, MUST SEE THIS!

See him see him?

Now, for another tricky one. Serious aku amik dekat seminit dua cari.

Hint. Tengok kanan sekali.

Malas aku nak update semua. Sila klik sini. Kira macam kredit la. Haha

Suarez Suarez!

Nyaris dah tak gol tu. Hehe.

Ok, cerita hari ini pasal Nigel De Killer Jong sama Gary Neville.

Gary Neville hari ini mengumumkan persaraan selepas 20 tahun berkhidmat untuk Manchester United. Well, although this last couple of season dia dah tak power sangat, yet when someone quit, we should tribute him. Thank you thank you.

Orgasm.

Nigel De Jong pula. Aku memang tak suka dia. Main tak adalah power sangat. Kerja nak kekah kaki orang je. Terajang dada Alonso masa World Cup Final, patahkan kaki Hatem Ben Arfa. Dan terbaru malam tadi. Knocked out his team-mate Micah Richard. Minat tengok WWF aku rasa dia ni.

Hambik kau!

Oh dan ya. Aku memang saja letak tajuk lain cerita pasal orang lain. Haha

Funny Goalkeeper! Funny, Bukan House Of Bunny!

Kahkahkahkahkahkahkah!

Seriusly funny LOL. Mungkin goalkeeper ni mabuk. Banyak minum sebelum main.

Kami tahu awak tu cik goalkeeper boleh bawak bola pakai tangan. Tapi jangan lah sampai ke gol pihak lawan.